The Story Behind: Jai Yen

Mandala The Story Behind

Designed in August 2020, Jai Yen was the first piece I designed during my emotional stages where I actually felt peace. I had a clear head, a clear mind in designing and for once, felt like I was getting somewhere and back on track.

August was the time when I felt like I was getting into a better place with everything, slowly finding some part of myself again, being able to somehow deal with everything again, and just ultimately find some form of peace again, or at least be able to try to start to. So let me share with you what I shared on social first, before we go deeper - heads up, this time it's the name before the meaning:

"Jai Yen" // So I speak a lot about how I feel when I draw my work and what thoughts run through my head, but this one was a whole new feeling, because 80% of it I had a clear head for. No worries, no anxiety, no stress, no deep rooted thoughts resurfacing, just me and my artwork. And a lot of my pieces for me have a deep emotional attachment to them as to why there's always a backstory, but this one was different. This one was release, it was pure mindfulness because I was just zoned out but tuned in to my work and the details I saw within it. The weight of this piece is hidden in it's name - "Jai Yen" translates to "Cool Heart", and in the Buddhist sense, the heart is one’s inherent “pure awareness”. It's self composure, self awareness, being mindful of your emotions, thoughts, processes, actions - doing everything with a tamed heart, with love, compassion, patience, no matter how hard the going gets or what's happening... it runs deeper than the sense of just saying 'calm down', but instead reminding us to be mindful without having to listen to guided meditation again - 2 simple words, 1 whole soulful meaning. ⁠

My heart was heavy for a good while, months on end what it felt like really, and truth be told it felt never-ending. I didn't feel like myself for ages, filled with constant pain, constant hurt, constant self-doubt, questions, no form of self-love, riddled with anxiety and insecurities thanks to past relationship experience and then this break up on top and it just fuelled everything negative for the months of June and July. 

I took myself off my personal social media (I kept my art account going as you all know), I spent more time with family and friends who tried to keep me going as much as possible, spent time away from my phone and just tried to bring myself back to living life, embracing it a bit and just focusing back on the simple things, simple constants, people that I enjoyed being around, people who's energy lifts me up and makes me feel complete and whole and happy again. And that time out was needed, that time out helped, it helped me to distract myself from wallowing over the last few months, took my mind away from memories and what can't be anymore and just made me focus back on being present in the moment rather than my insecurities and own self-doubt. 

In having that break, I also decided to create a new piece. Now I have an insane love and mad levels of appreciation for Japanese and Thai inspired artwork, the motifs, the crescents, everything, the sheer intricacy and have just the difference of weighted lines in a piece can make the end product what it is. It flourishes. It literally flourishes and I've always been a sucker for gothic, motif, flourished style artwork, I find it so beautiful. And I guess to an extent because Thai artwork resembles something similar of the nature, I love it for that reason too. So I decided to challenge myself, create something new that embraced my love for Japanese and Thai inspired designs and create "Jai Yen".

I felt the name suited most because it was the one that reflected the mental state and the idealistic state I was trying to achieve - the peace of mind, the self-awareness, self-composure was actually probably the biggest one aka stop crying in public places like a twat and pull yourself together you muppet kind of vibe. For the depth of the details, it was patience. It was pure release, just me and my art, creating and embracing every single element but this time with no emotion linked to it like usual, just pure peace. It was a meditative piece when drawing, although it's not a piece I use to help me meditate. 

I fell in love with this piece for the details. For it's always the tiniest details that make up the bigger picture but the name, the name is what makes this piece for me. The simplest words to reflect the ideal eternal state for our human life - how we want to be, how we should be, it in a self resembled an essence of nirvana to me, elements that I imagine would help contribute to achieving that. It was about bringing myself to a stage of being able to focus back on having a pure heart. Letting go of that hurt that was within me, trying to stayed rooted in me, and instead trying to take the steps to shift my focus. Bringing my awareness back to present moment, back to what I could control and create in this present moment. 

Jai Yen for me was about a cool heart, whilst my heart was stumbling around, falling, breaking, it was about losing the burn within it and allowing myself to be still and present in that conscious moment to let the design flow, let my energy flow and just be.  

For those who wish to, you can shop Jai Yen here.

Thank you for reading & keep your eyes peeled for future piece meanings being shared across the blog and also socials. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments and even your own interpretations in the comments below or if you wish to let me know privately - I'm always social on emails and my social media channels. 

One love - Simmy. x

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